Angel fic: Cancellation Notice 2/6
Apr. 17th, 2005 04:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ghost2TITLE: Cancellation Notice 2/6
SPOILERS: through "Shells"
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: "Angel" has been cancelled. Angel, Spike, Lorne, Fred, Wesley, and Gunn fight back. Humor.
See first part for disclaimer, notes.
"Motivation"
The cast taped the first of their six remaining episodes in record time. They had never finished one so fast before. Even the climactic Angel/Spike scene went quickly, played to perfection on the first take. That fact in itself was frightening, considering that both Spike and Angel had initially vehemently protested the very existence of the scene. Something had changed their minds. Whatever it was, though, no one tried too hard to find out. They had too much else to worry about.
Eventually it was time to tackle episode two. Again Gunn, Lorne, Spike, Angel and Wesley gathered in the office. Fred was also there, since she'd been restored to the cast due to Wesley's miraculous new time-altering ability. However, although Kathy had appeared in the previous episode, she was not present, mainly because she was an annoying newbie who was only on the show to help snag those elusive younger viewers, the mindless pursuit of whom had taken over the television marketplace and severely compromised program quality.
Everyone expectantly faced Lorne, who had once more worked on the new script. It was a job no one else was willing to take on.
"Well?" Gunn said. "You decide on cast changes yet?"
"We're still smoothing those out, but there's what we have so far. Gwen Raiden and Connor are coming back, and a new 20ish character named Paige will be introduced in the next episode."
"Paige?" Fred repeated. "Isn't that the name of one of the sisters on..."
"'Charmed,' yeah," Lorne confirmed. "Our plots have occasionally turned up on their show, so we're returning the favor a little by borrowing a name from them. Anyone here have a problem with that? No? Good. Anyway, aside from Gwen, Connor, and Paige, there are a couple of other changes. Don't worry; they're for the good of the show." While the others curiously watched, Lorne moved to the door and opened it. Eve and Lindsey walked in. "Everyone, welcome Lindsey back and wave goodbye to Eve. See, there is method to my madness. It's a trade. Move along, Eve."
With that, Eve was gone and Lindsey was not.
"The senior partners are going to spit Lindsey back out at us and take Eve away in his place," Lorne continued.
"That's very, well, interesting," Fred said carefully. "But why are they doing it?"
"Why?" Lorne echoed. "Who cares why? They just do. Accept it and move on."
Wesley nodded. "I understand. Logic has now taken up accommodations with common sense in a distant part of town."
"We're like 'One Tree Hill,'" Lorne informed him. "We don't need logic, and we don't need common sense, either. We do, however, need some semblance of character motivation."
Lindsey spoke up. "Great point. What about my motivation? Am I good or am I evil? How do I play my scenes?"
"Inscrutably, because we're making up your story as we go along."
Lindsey shrugged. "Okay."
"Okay?" said Lorne. "That's it? No complaints? Now, this is the kind of reaction I like to see. Why can't the rest of you be as agreeable as Lindsey and do what I say without protesting?"
Angel spoke up. "Oh, I don't know. I find it hard to be agreeable when it results in things like Spike declaring his love for me. Still, no harm done as long as I get to beat him up in the next episode." He paused. "Hey, I do get to beat him up, right?"
"No, 'cause my idiotic declaration was a nightmare scene," Spike corrected him. "Had to be. Which you'll see soon's we get the next script."
"Where *is* the script?" Fred asked, beginning to frown.
"It's being photocopied as I speak," Lorne replied. "I guarantee you, it's terrific. Spike, you'll hover between hopelessness and despair throughout the episode. Angel, you're confused and angry. The sudden reappearance of Kathy is seriously complicating your life. Gunn, you run the gamut. This episode is a true emotional workout for you. You celebrate the existence of life in the form of those beautiful, precious babies who are under your care, and later you mourn the senselessness of unnecessary death. You also hook up with Gwen again. Fred, Wes, you're the easy ones. Your mindset is that you're in love and happy. Don't worry, it won't last long. Just give us a couple of episodes to build up to making your lives miserable again. We have to milk you two for all the drama you're worth. Last but not least, I even give myself a story in this episode, for a change. I'm reading potential new employees, including the mysterious girl we eventually hire, and I uncover Knox's evil intentions toward Fred and nip them in the bud."
"Doesn't sound so bad," Gunn admitted. "So why do I have this real bad feeling about it?"
"No idea," Lorne said dismissively. "None of you could do any better."
His confidence momentarily reassured the others, but they all tensed as soon as the door opened and Harmony came in with an armful of scripts.
"Here ya go," she said, handing them out. "I just love this episode!"
"That settles things," Angel decided as he reluctantly accepted his copy. "If Harmony likes it, it can't possibly be good."
Before the cast could begin to tear apart his latest work, Lorne made an offer. "Everyone who's willing to save their energy and accept the script as it stands can leave now."
Lindsey and Fred were the only ones who stood up. Fred looked around the table, saw that no one else was moving, and sat back down. Lindsey shrugged and left the room.
Lorne scowled when he saw that most of his audience remained. "Fine, you obviously don't trust me, despite all we've been through together. But you will in a few minutes. We're going to approach this script sensibly. We'll look over it together and address any concerns here and now, so that we're all satisfied I did the right thing."
"That sounds really fair, Lorne," Fred approved. "Don't you all think so, too?" She waited for support that didn't come.
Instead, Angel glared at Lorne. "I have a problem already."
"What page are you on?" Lorne said calmly.
"One! Page one! The opening scene can't be right."
"No?" Lorne scanned the lines. "Why not?"
"Because after Spike says he's in love with me, it has me just walking away. I thought I'd get to beat him up!"
"And I thought it was a nightmare," Spike reminded everyone. "It couldn't really have happened."
"It did. Deal with it and move on." Lorne turned the page.
Angel did not. "You seriously intend to put me and Spike together? That's just wrong. Besides, isn't the show supposed to be predictable now? Well, pairing me and Spike is the opposite of that."
"It's perfectly possible to be predictable yet groundbreaking at the same time. 'Dawson's Creek' paved the way for us there. Besides, it's a widely accepted belief that vampires are inherently bisexual, so half of our audience has been expecting you and Spike to jump each other all season. They won't be at all surprised. Problem solved."
Angel and Spike began to shout at the same time, so that neither could clearly be heard.
"Shut up, you two!" yelled Gunn, who had advanced to his own scenes. "I got it worse than you did!"
This impressive statement succeeded in quieting Spike and Angel, and they flipped ahead to analyze Gunn's material.
"I'm going to the animal shelter to adopt a dog," Gunn summarized with a grimace. "That isn't a story. It's a joke. Has to be."
Lorne shook his head. "Not in the least. Besides featuring cute twins, '7th Heaven' also has a fluffy white dog named Happy. Highest rated show on the network, so it obviously works for them. Besides, this is our big chance to shoehorn in a social issue. Gunn, you are to visit the pound, see the multitudes of miserable animals piled up hoping for adoption into a loving home, and trumpet the cause of pet-population control. Think Bob Barker at the end of every 'Price is Right' episode, only more long-winded. After your moving speech, you will carry little Lucky home to a joyful new life. We need to hit viewers over the heads with this one."
"This has gotta be the stupidest thing I've ever read, and that's saying something." Gunn waved his script for emphasis. "This part. Where my eyes well up, and this one perfect tear dislodges itself and rolls down my cheek in 'solitary glory.' What the hell is that about? One stupid tear?"
"Greater impact. A string of tears is far less dramatic than one all by itself. Your eyes must brim to the brink, but you're to only allow one single tear its release."
"Nice trick if you can manage it," Gunn muttered.
"It just takes a little control. Like this." Lorne's eyes immediately brimmed with moisture; he held the look for a moment before one large droplet descended from his left eye and dribbled down his cheek.
Gunn lapsed into sullen silence, but Angel filled the gap. "Another thing. Spike and I can't each get part of the Gem of Amara. Aside from the fact that there really shouldn't even be a Gem anymore, what's the point of us being basically invulnerable? Seems like viewers won't worry about our safety as much anymore, and we want them to care what happens to us."
"Not a problem," Lorne assured him. "I refer you to Clark Kent on 'Smallville.' He gets hit by a bus--the bus is mangled, and Clark doesn't have a scratch on him. Need I remind you, 'Smallville' always attracts a bigger audience than we do, so plenty of people prefer invincible Clark to us."
"Yeah, well, back to this thing with Angel and me--it makes no bloody sense," Spike stressed.
"It most certainly does!" Lorne roared, eyes bulging and fists forming. "We're setting up a love triangle. We want to get Buffy back on the show. Well, think of how dramatic it'll be if she returns only to find her two exes shacking up together. Think of the dramatic tension! Think of the press coverage! Think of the ratings soaring! Look, boys, do you want to remain cancelled, or do you want to stay on the air? Suck it up and play the scenes or I'll find someone else to do it!"
Cowed by Lorne's fury and reminded of their goal, Spike and Angel dropped the argument. For the time being.
Still quivering with rage, Lorne turned to the people on his right. "Fred, Wes, everyone else has had their turn at tearing apart my efforts. Go ahead--here's your big chance."
"Oh, no, the script is great," Fred quickly responded. "Really great. Except for maybe one tiny little thing. It's almost nothing, though."
"Yes?" Lorne prodded.
"Um, where's my dialogue?" Fred blurted.
"And mine," Wesley added. "Neither of us seem to have any lines. Some pages must be missing from the script."
Lorne waved away this concern. "No, they're complete, all right. You two have no dialogue, but you should limber up your lips anyway, because you have lots of make-out scenes in this episode. Five, to be exact."
"Be glad you don't have any dialogue," Gunn interjected. "These lame jokes are not funny."
Lorne smiled. "Great. We'll fit right in with just about every other show out there, then. Gang, you have to understand that we have a choice: Our dialogue can be witty but shallow, like on 'Gilmore Girls' and 'Charmed,' or unmemorable and simplistic, like on '7th Heaven,' 'Everwood,' 'One Tree Hill,' and 'Smallville.' I vote for the majority opinion, which also happens to be the path of least resistance. Do you have any idea how much easier it is to write boring, cliched dialogue than it is to come up with the good stuff? Why struggle against the tide? Besides, no one cares when we do make the effort. If they did, our ratings would have been great for years and we wouldn't be cancelled."
Angel pointed to the last page of his script. "I can tolerate the lame dialogue. I can survive the lapses in continuity, like the fact that suddenly all of us live in adjacent Wolfram & Hart penthouses. I can even put up with sharing most of my scenes with Spike, as long as that doesn't last too long. But this music montage at the end has to go."
"Music montage?" Spike almost tore the pages in his haste to reach the last one. "There's a bleeding music montage at the end of this episode?"
Lorne beamed. "Yes, one of the finest bits, if I do say so myself. Up until now, we'd mostly overlooked the obvious--the blatant, sometimes inappropriate, usage of hip new music during episodes. We won't make that mistake again. We're showcasing our great new couple of Angel and Spike by displaying their complex history, set to a popular song."
"No," Spike whispered. "No. Any song but this one!"
"And what, may I ask, is wrong with Kelly Clarkson's 'A Moment Like This'?"
***
EPISODE: "Miracle in Los Angeles"
TEASER
Various shots of Los Angeles: tall buildings, traffic jams, crowded storefronts, masses of hurrying people, etc.
VOICE-OVER. Narration by LORNE.
Los Angeles is a very big town, but it can also be a very lonely town. Two vampires were about to discover this. These vampires were very old, but for all their age and experience, they were still very stupid when it came to love. Is there any hope for them?
FADE IN.
WOLFRAM & HART - ANGEL'S OFFICE
It is night. ANGEL is standing by the window, facing outward. SPIKE stands beside him and a little to the rear, facing the same way. Spike is looking intently at Angel's face. He opens his mouth, closes it, and opens it again as he finally screws up the courage to speak.
SPIKE: Angel, you want to know the real reason I'm staying in town? It's not because I'm afraid to see Buffy. It's not even because of that stupid shanshu prophecy. (steps closer to Angel) It's because of you. It's because I've finally realized my true feelings for you, Peaches. I don't hate you.
Spike takes a deep breath and delivers his big line.
SPIKE: I'm in love with you.
CUT TO: Angel's reaction. He is stunned into silence. He stands, still staring outward, seemingly unable to respond. Finally, after about 10 seconds, he turns around and walks out of the office. Spike watches him go but makes no attempt to stop him. Another several seconds pass with Spike alone in the office before he speaks. He shakes his head.
SPIKE: Maybe I shouldn't have called him Peaches. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
BLACKOUT. END TEASER.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - HARMONY'S DESK
It is morning. HARMONY is seated at her desk, painting her left index fingernail a lurid red. She finishes, holds up the finger for inspection, frowns, and sets aside the bottle of nail polish. She picks up a different bottle and begins to paint the next nail in a pale pink. Harmony hears giggling and looks up, toward the nearby corridor. She sees two laughing employees who are watching a couple in the middle of the corridor. Harmony recognizes FRED and WESLEY, who are kissing passionately, oblivious to the fact that they are blocking the way. Harmony smiles. The employees move around Wesley and Fred and walk over to Harmony's desk.
HARMONY: Aren't they the cutest couple? Don't you just love them together?
CUT TO: Wesley and Fred, still kissing. Hold shot for 10 seconds.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - LARGE OFFICE
LORNE is seated at a round table. KNOX stands beside him. Lorne looks at the doorway. He sees a long line of people standing just outside. PAN DOWN the line. It extends out the door, down the hallway, around a corner, down another hallway, around another corner, and into the stairwell. It is ridiculously long. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] Lorne sighs and turns to Knox.
LORNE: Thanks so much for helping me out today. I don't know why Angel can't interview some of these people himself. After all, he is the boss.
KNOX: I don't mind giving you a hand. We're all in this together.
LORNE: You have a great attitude. Still, look at the length of that line. This is gonna be a long day. Well, might as well get started now.
Knox goes over to the doorway and instructs the first person to enter, then goes into the hallway and closes the door to give Lorne some privacy. The applicant hands a folder full of papers to Lorne, who opens it and glances at the top page. Lorne then looks at the job applicant. He is a young man, well dressed, but he seems nervous as he fidgets, stares at Lorne's horns, and then quickly looks away.
LORNE: All right, Ephram, let's hear what you've got. Go on, sing.
EPHRAM: Sing? Uh, okay. Let's see. Once when I was five I shoplifted a pack of gum from a grocery store, but my mom made me take it back. And when I was eight, I hit--
Lorne interrupts.
LORNE: No, no, I mean sing as in harmonize. As in "Happy Birthday" or "Amazing Grace" or whatever else you know the words to. Sing! [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
EPHRAM: Oh.
After a moment, Ephram launches into an off-key version of "My Girl." His voice cracks on a particularly high note. Lorne winces. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
LORNE: Oh, yeah. This is definitely gonna be a long day. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
#############
GUNN'S PENTHOUSE - LIVING ROOM
GUNN smiles as he looks down upon the twin Chinese orphans who are under his care. They lie side by side, dressed in matching outfits, staring up at him and giggling. They appear to be perfectly content and healthy.
GUNN: Tia, you're such a joy to have around. You too, Mia.
He picks up the baby on the left and spins around the room with her in his arms.
GUNN: I can't believe I have such miracles in my life. It's almost beyond comprehension.
He slows and stops the spin. He puts the baby back down. The other baby opens its mouth and screams.
GUNN: Poor Tia. No, you're Mia. No, you're Tia. I think. Oh, I shouldn't have dressed you both the same. Now I can't tell you apart! [CUE LAUGH TRACK] I need to stop dressing you identically. It's just too confusing.
He looks at the crying baby.
GUNN: What's wrong? Huh? Are you jealous of your sister? Are you mad because I forgot who you are? What is it?
He picks up the second baby and spins her around as well, but it's no use; she continues to yell and flail her fists.
GUNN: Come on, give me a clue. Do you need your bottle? Are you tired? Bored? What?
Finally, he checks the baby's diaper and realizes it needs to be changed.
GUNN: Okay, I gotcha. Just give me a minute here.
He goes over to a large wicker basket and pulls out a cloth diaper and safety pins. He carefully sets the baby down on the changing table and gets to work removing the soiled diaper and putting the new one on the baby. However, he struggles with the pins, repeatedly pricking his fingers.
GUNN: Ow! Ouch! Ow!
CUT TO: hallway floor outside Gunn's penthouse. We see a stylish pair of women's shoes on the carpet. Slowly PAN UP the woman's legs to reveal that she is wearing a VERY short skirt, continue up her body, LINGER, move up to her face. It is GWEN RAIDEN. She presses the doorbell. Waits. Taps her foot. Presses the doorbell again. Inside, Gunn is finished with the baby. He jogs over to the door and begins to fumble with the knob. In the hallway, Gwen checks her watch, purses her lips, taps her foot, presses the doorbell again. She waits.
GUNN (from inside): I'm coming!
Gwen shifts her weight and raises an eyebrow. She waits, and waits, and waits. Finally the door opens and Gunn appears.
GUNN: Gwen! Long time, no see.
GWEN: What took you so long to open the door? I could have picked the lock more efficiently.
GUNN holds up his hands to display 10 bandaged fingers, a few with lurid blood stains on them.
GUNN: See if you can open up so fast when your fingers have been used as pincushions! [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - SUPPLY CLOSET
WESLEY and FRED are still making out, only now they have moved to a more private location. As they embrace, they knock over several of the cleaning supplies that are in the closet with them: brooms, mops, etc.
Outside the closet, HARMONY is walking down the hallway. She hears odd noises coming from the closet and frowns. Curious, she walks over and opens the door to see Wesley and Fred kissing. They don't even notice her. Harmony giggles and closes the door, then walks away with a smile on her face. Behind her, a loud crash sounds from inside the supply closet. Harmony merely smiles more broadly and keeps going.
#############
ALLEY BESIDE WOLFRAM & HART
ANGEL is pacing up and down the alley, careful to keep to the shadowed sections. He looks furious.
ANGEL: Stupid Spike! Saying he loves me! What gives him the right? He doesn't care about anyone except himself. He has a nerve, lying to me that way. He must want something from me.
He sidesteps a patch of sunlight and continues to pace, head down, muttering to himself. He sees a pair of shoes on the pavement in front of him and stops abruptly. He looks up to see his sister KATHY, dressed in a skintight blue catsuit.
ANGEL: Sis! You came to see me!
He moves forward to try to embrace Kathy; she steps away, nose in the air.
KATHY: Yes, I came to see you. I want to tell you exactly how I feel about you. It's your fault I've been a half-vampire for the last 250 years. I'm neither human nor demon, fitting into neither universe. I'm a square peg in a round world, a directionless dandelion puff blowing in the wind. If you had only done the job properly when you went to kill me. Either that or completely turned me, rather than leaving me to suffer in limbo, midway.
ANGEL: Kathy, you have to understand, it wasn't me who attacked you that night. It was my demon, Angelus. Don't be confused by the fact that our names are similar. We are actually separate entities. I'm not responsible for his actions, and he isn't responsible for mine. At least, that's one school of thought. Another is that Angelus is simply me minus my soul, and everything he does is what I was already inclined to do, so I really do bear responsibility and guilt. On the other hand, if it's a matter of responsibility and control, then maybe I ought to see a psychiatrist and sort all of this out.
Kathy shakes her head and walks away. Angel doesn't notice.
ANGEL: So if you can hold me accountable for what Angelus does, then you also have to hold him accountable for what I do. That means he gets partial credit for all of my good deeds. That doesn't seem fair, does it? I mean, I'm the one who says, "Hey, there's a cat up a tree, let's hop up and carry it down." Angelus might jump up after it but you know him; he'd be a lot more likely to drink its blood and then complain about getting cat hair in his mouth. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] So you see, Kathy....
He looks up and notices that Kathy is gone.
ANGEL: Kathy? Kathy? Where'd she go? [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
CUT TO: nearby rooftop. SPIKE is crouched in the sunlight, a ring prominently displayed on one finger. This ring holds the Gem of Amara. Spike sadly watches as Angel is unable to pursue his sister into the sunlight. Spike fingers his ring and looks thoughtful.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - LARGE OFFICE
LORNE is still conducting job interviews. A dark-haired woman in her mid-30s enters for her appointment. Lorne looks over her application.
LORNE: What are you going to sing for me, Lorelai?
LORELAI: (sings) "But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, I just don't think he'd un-der-stand. And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart..."
Lorne winces and claps a hand over Lorelai's mouth.
LORNE: Thank you, dearie. That's enough. Actually, more than enough. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] Next!
Lorelai leaves the office. KNOX comes in.
KNOX: How's it going, boss?
LORNE: Terrible! Not one of these applicants can carry a tune in a bucket. You'd think they're all related to Angel! [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
KNOX: I'll send the next one in. Maybe she'll be better.
Knox walks toward the door. He begins to hum. Lorne's head shoots up and he listens keenly. He frowns, but his concentration is broken when his cell phone rings. He answers it.
LORNE: Hello? ... A demon, you say? In the sewers? I'll be right there!
#############
GUNN'S PENTHOUSE - LIVING ROOM
GUNN and GWEN are sitting on the couch, talking. The babies have been moved to the bedroom and are napping.
GWEN: It's incredible that you've been entrusted with the care of those two precious angels.
GUNN: Tell me about it. They've totally changed my life already.
GWEN: And you're doing such a wonderful job with them. It's obvious they adore you already, even if you do keep forgetting which one is which. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] But there are a few things you could be doing just a little bit better. For instance, if you used disposable diapers, you wouldn't hurt your fingers.
GUNN: Nah, I can't go to disposable. I'm environmentally conscious.
Gwen looks politely puzzled.
GUNN: Many people don't know this, but according to a January 2004 Educational Landmarks study, 20 billion disposable diapers weighing approximately seven billion pounds are added to U.S. landfills each year. Disposable diapers take nearly 500 years to decompose. For all of those reasons and more, I choose cloth.
Gunn's cell phone rings at the conclusion of this little speech. He answers it.
GUNN: Hello? ... Demon? ... In the sewers? ... Count me in!
He stands up and starts toward the door before coming back to earth.
GUNN: I have responsibilities now. I'm a family man. No more running off because now I'd be leaving my kids in the lurch.
GWEN: I'll watch them for you.
GUNN: Okay! By the way, I might be home late. I want to stop by the pound to pick up a puppy for the girls.
Gunn exits, leaving Gwen in charge of the babies.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - CORRIDOR
HARMONY appears at the end of the corridor. She looks down it and is relieved to see WESLEY and FRED kissing. She walks down the corridor and taps Wesley on the shoulder.
HARMONY: Hey! Sewer demon! Go fight it! Fred will still be here when you get back. I promise.
Somehow, she manages to separate the two. She pushes Wesley off in the direction of the sewers and prevents Fred from following him.
#############
SEWERS
GUNN, WESLEY, SPIKE, ANGEL, and LORNE are clutching various weapons and moving slowly and carefully through the uneven footing. Spike keeps glancing over at Angel, who appears to be deliberately avoiding his gaze. The group rounds a curve in the tunnel and before them they see a huge brown DEMON with six eyes and eight legs.
LORNE: Aaaattttaaaacccckkkkk!
Lorne runs forward, screaming and wildly swinging his ax. The demon swipes him with one of its legs. Lorne drops in his tracks, unconscious. Angel, Gunn, Wesley, and Spike move in more cautiously, spread out so the demon can't take them all out at once. Wesley goes on the offensive, trying to distract the demon. He shoots it with a crossbow. The demon roars in pain and wrenches the arrow out of its shoulder. Gunn rushes in and slashes the demon in one leg with his sword. Spike and Angel attack from opposite sides, jumping back when the demon swipes at them and closing in again when it turns its attention elsewhere. Slowly, they begin to wear it down. Then Angel slips in the muck of the sewer. He is down, exposed and vulnerable to the demon's claws. Spike sees this. His eyes turn golden and he screams.
SPIKE: Nooooooooooo!
SLOW MOTION. Spike runs forward, hefts his ax, and makes a great leap onto the demon's back. He begins to swing the ax forward, but before he can finish the motion, the demon rolls backward and crushes Spike against the wall behind him. Spike loses his grip and, still in SLOW MOTION, falls to the ground and lies unmoving.
Back to REGULAR SPEED. Spike's brave but stupid move has given the others the opportunity they were waiting for. Spike distracted the demon just long enough for Wesley, Gunn, and a recovered Angel to close in for the kill. They simultaneously swing or fire their weapons and puncture the demon's middle. It explodes, slime shooting out and showering all of them plus Spike, who still lies within range. The only one who escapes the "bath" is Lorne, who is 50 yards away.
GUNN: (examines the mess on his outfit) Aw, dammit! I liked this shirt, too!
Spike sits up, shaking his head and looking dazed. Wesley goes over to help him up. Angel makes no move to assist him. Spike sadly looks over at Angel, who is steadfastly refusing to acknowledge his existence. GROUP SHIRTLESS SCENE ensues, as Gunn, Spike, Wesley, and Angel all remove their slimed clothing. PAN DOWN the line for a good look.
ANGEL: Is Lorne okay?
Angel walks over to check on Lorne. Spike and the others follow him. Angel checks on Lorne's condition and turns to find Spike standing before him. Angel stares at Spike and then turns and walks away. Spike stares after him, shoulders slumped.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - BASEMENT FILE ROOM
Rows of file cabinets line the walls. No employees are present. EVE eases open the door. She stops and listens to make sure no one is around. Reassured by the silence, she proceeds into the room and studies the rows of cabinets. She opens one and begins to dig through the files. Then she stops, hearing a distant rumbling noise that gradually becomes louder. It continues to gain in volume. Eve begins to look worried. She glances around, trying to figure out which direction the noise is coming from. She isn't sure. She slowly turns in a circle. Suddenly she starts to spin at incredible speed. She is not doing this by herself. Eve opens her mouth to scream but her protest is lost as she whips around and around so fast, she is barely visible anymore. A vortex opens in the ceiling above her. Eve's feet leave the ground and she is sucked upward, through the vortex, and disappears. A body falls out of the opening. The vortex gradually disappears.
PAN TO: floor. Naked figure, curled up in fetal position. CLOSE UP of the man's face. It is LINDSEY. He is shivering, eyes wide, staring. Slowly, his shivers die down. He becomes aware of his surroundings. He sits up and looks around.
LINDSEY: Wolfram & Hart. Why am I back? Is this even real, or is it just another nightmare?
He attempts to stand up but is too weak, and slumps to the ground again. He sees a blanket that just happens to be lying in the corner and is able to pull himself over to it and wrap it around himself.
LINDSEY: Revenge. I must get revenge.
He crawls out of the room.
#############
SPIKE'S PENTHOUSE
SPIKE is sitting at his desk, looking thoughtful. He removes his Gem of Amara ring and studies it. Then he picks up a small tool and carefully begins to chip at the stone. After much painstaking effort, he has chipped it into two equal pieces. One, he leaves in his ring setting. The other, he holds up to a fresh setting. He nods, satisfied.
SPIKE: This'll win Angel over. It'll prove how I feel about him. It has to. It's my last chance.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - LARGE OFFICE
LORNE is back to interviewing job applicants. However, he seems more interested in observing KNOX. As another rejected applicant leaves the room, Lorne addresses Knox.
LORNE: You know, I don't think poor Phoebe had the lyrics to "The Real Slim Shady" down quite right. She tried, bless her heart; she tried. But I wasn't feelin' the love. Do *you* know the words, Knox?
KNOX: Sure. (He begins to rap.) "May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?"
Lorne's eyes narrow. He leaps up and strikes a dramatic pose, forefinger pointed at Knox's chest.
LORNE: You! You're the epitome of evil, the nadir of nastiness, the image of... well, I can't think of an appropriate word that starts with an "i" right now, but whatever it is, you're it. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] You've been secretly plotting against dear, sweet, innocent Fred ever since she came to work here! But your secret is secret no longer!
Knox gulps and makes a break for the door. Lorne darts after him and tackles him. They both hit the door hard. The door, which was ajar, flies open. Knox, with Lorne atop him, shoots out into the hallway. The line of job applicants scatters.
MAN: The rumors were true--they really do eat the employees here! I knew I should applied at ABC instead! [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
Lorne proceeds to pummel Knox as the horrified applicants look on. A security team finally rushes over and pulls Lorne off. Knox, who took a lot of damage, remains on the floor, not wanting to provoke another attack. Lorne addresses the security team.
LORNE: Fellas, we have a problem here. Let me go with you so we can discuss what to do with Knox. No one threatens my friends and gets away with it. At least, not when I have a security force to back me up. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] (He turns back to the applicants.) By the way, folks, looks like we have a new job opening. Stick around and I'll be back with you as soon as I can.
Lorne, the guards, and Knox leave. The remaining applicants look at each other. Most of their faces reflect the exact same point: They don't want to work in a place like this. Approximately 95% of those who were waiting turn and escape instead. A few people, however, remain. One, a beautiful young woman, has a determined expression on her face. She isn't going anywhere.
#############
ANIMAL SHELTER
[SCENE: GUNN'S LAMENT]
GUNN has arrived at the animal shelter. He steps forward into the "cell block," where he sees rows and rows and rows of cramped cages filled to bursting with every imaginable sort of dog, cat, bird, hamster, etc. The noises they make are pitiful. Some whine; others bark; still others keen, hiss, or whistle in high-pitched tones. Gunn is visibly upset and frustrated.
GUNN: What world is this, that permits such travesties--the agony of the caged bird and the imprisoned cat and the unwanted dog? What people are these, who look away without care, who walk by without blinking, who never spare a thought for these poor, innocent creatures? What will become of the Pomeranians and the Siamese, the Labradors and the Russian Blues, the terriers and the parakeets? This unnecessary waste of vibrant life could be stemmed if only people displayed half as much humanity as one of these animals possesses. Please, folks, spay and neuter your pets. Stop the population explosion of unwanted kittens and puppies. Spare them this agony, this terrible suffering. Become better people by caring for the fates of helpless beasts who rely upon you for their salvation. Is no humanity left in this world? I weep for it.
Gunn looks around again and his eyes slowly well up with moisture. Then one single tear dislodges itself and rolls down his cheek in solitary glory. HOLD SHOT.
A cold nose presses into Gunn's palm. He looks down. A fluffy white puppy is attempting to comfort him. Gunn smiles.
GUNN: Who are you, you adorable creature?
A shelter employee runs up to him.
EMPLOYEE: I'm sorry, sir, this dog is supposed to be put down today but he escaped as I was taking him away.
GUNN: You mean he was on his way to the gas chamber just now?
EMPLOYEE: Not exactly the gas chamber. We use injections in this facility.
GUNN: Not on this dog, you don't! I may not be able to save all of them, but at least I can save Lucky. He's coming home with me.
As if he understands every word, Lucky wildly wags his tail and barks.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - LARGE OFFICE
LORNE is again screening job applicants, this time of course without Knox's assistance. Few people remain anyway; most were scared off by the earlier scene between Lorne and Knox. However, a svelte, 20ish GIRL dressed in a green leotard glides into the office. It is the same woman we saw before, who looked determined to win the job. She has shimmering golden tresses that fall halfway down her back, sparkling sapphire eyes, and an oval face with high cheekbones. She has the beauty of a goddess, the poise of a model, and the grace of a dancer. Lorne stares at her, transfixed. She smiles serenely and hands him her folder. Lorne manages to tear his gaze away from the vision before him and glance over her application.
LORNE: So, uh, Paige--wait, that's not your name, that's a page of paper--wait, it *is* your name, Paige Leparfait, and it's written on a page of paper. Paige and page. Very confusing. (He laughs nervously.) I don't usually get so flustered. I don't know what it is about you. I apologize.
PAIGE: That's quite all right. No need to apologize.
Not surprisingly, her voice is melodious and soothing.
LORNE: Well, would you like to sing a song for me?
PAIGE: Of course. (She smiles, revealing rows of perfect, gleaming white teeth.) "Somewhere over the rainbow, there's a land that I heard of, once in a lullaby...."
Lorne is captivated. He listens to Paige sing the entire song. When she finishes, he applauds.
LORNE: You're hired!
PAIGE: Don't you want to look over my resume first? [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
LORNE: Oh, uh, yes. (He glances at it for about three seconds, then looks up.) I looked, sugar buns, and you're hired again! [CUE LAUGH TRACK] You know, you have the voice of a nightingale.
PAIGE: Oh, I'm not that good.
LORNE: And so modest, too. Could you *be* any more perfect? If I could hire you again, I would. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - ENTRANCE
It is almost dark outside, but not quite. ANGEL waits impatiently just inside the front doors. In the background, we see FRED and WES kissing by the elevators. Finally, dusk falls. At that precise moment, Angel darts out of the building and begins his hunt for his missing sister. He wanders around, searching nearby alleys, finding no sign of KATHY. Suddenly Angel whips his head around and looks behind himself, but no one is there. He continues onward.
ANGEL: Dammit, Kathy, where are you?
Kathy steps out of the shadows to confront him.
KATHY: I'm right here, big brother.
ANGEL: We need to talk.
KATHY: Like we did earlier? I don't think so. That was just you babbling and making no sense. You only wanted to hear the sound of your own voice, which you seemed to like an awful lot. You obviously didn't care what I thought about what you were saying.
ANGEL: That's not true. (He reconsiders.) Well, the part about liking the sound of my own voice is. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] But what's wrong with that? Anyway, the part about me not caring about you is way off. You're my sister and I love you.
KATHY: You haven't acted much like it in the past 250 years.
ANGEL: Did you ever stop to think that maybe that was because I didn't know you were alive all that time? [CUE LAUGH TRACK] What do I have to do to make you believe me? What do you want?
KATHY: Over 250 years ago, you took my trust in you and twisted it into something ugly. You nearly killed me. It's not something you can get over just like that. You have to earn back lost trust.
ANGEL: Tell me how, then.
KATHY: If you don't know, I can't tell you.
ANGEL: Kathy, you're being unreasonable.
KATHY: You almost murder me and ruin my life, and *I'm* the unreasonable one? You know what, Angel? You -- you -- you *suck*! (She stomps her foot.) [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
KATHY bursts into tears and rushes away.
ANGEL: What did I say *this* time? [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
He stands there for a moment. Then, without turning around--
ANGEL: I know you're there, Spike. Might as well move into the open before I come and drag you out.
Sheepish, SPIKE steps forward.
SPIKE: How'd you know it was me? Thought I was being careful and stealth-like. Like a ninja.
ANGEL: I sensed your presence.
SPIKE: (smiles) Really. And what does that tell you?
ANGEL: That you have an annoying aura. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
SPIKE's face falls, but he quickly rallies.
SPIKE: Look what I got here. (He shows Angel his ring.) Nice bit of jewelry, hey?
ANGEL: I've seen better.
SPIKE: Better than the Gem of Amara?
ANGEL: What? (He looks at the ring again, with much more interest this time.) It *is* the Gem! How did you get your hands on it? I had it hidden away in case of an emergency.
SPIKE: Just happened to stumble upon it and thought it would grace my finger nicely. Besides, it's not like you were reaping any benefits from it.
Angel lunges for the ring, but Spike sidesteps him.
SPIKE: You want it back? We could make a deal for it.
ANGEL: Yeah, sure. How about this--you give me back what's mine, and I let you live. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
SPIKE: Not exactly what I had in mind. Thing is, I have a present for you. (He begins to reach into his pocket.
ANGEL: Just go away, Spike. I don't want to bother with any of your crap right now.
SPIKE: (withdraws his hand, nods) Accidentally overheard that bit with your little sis. She was rough on you.
ANGEL: You don't know anything about it. You've never loved anyone or anything in your life except yourself.
SPIKE: That isn't true and you know it. I've always loved you, even when I wanted to deny it.
ANGEL: (claps hands over his ears) I can't hear you. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
SPIKE: (yells) I love you!
The words echo throughout the alley. A window opens overheard.
MAN IN APARTMENT: I love you too! Now shut up so I can get some sleep! [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
SPIKE: Angel, I love you and you can't deny it. Look into my eyes and you'll see the truth.
ANGEL: Look into mine and you'll see the hate. (He glares at Spike.) You're beneath me.
Angel turns and stalks away. Spike's head droops; he slinks off in the opposite direction.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - CORRIDOR
Most of the employees have gone home. However, a few remain, working late. LORNE walks down the hallway, greeting those he knows. He looks around and spots WESLEY and FRED in a corner, kissing. He goes over to them.
LORNE: Wes, Fred, today I exposed Knox as an instrument of evil, who was planning to stick a giant monkeywrench in the spokes of your wheel of happiness. I know that eventually you two will emerge from your liplock, register what I just said, and want to thank me, so I'll save you the trouble and say "You're welcome" right now. Anything for my favorite lovebirds. All in the line of duty. (He rubs his shoulder.) Except, now that I think about it, I'll be sending you two my chiropractic bill. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
#############
GUNN'S PENTHOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Evening. GWEN is lying on the couch. Her hair is a mess, her fingernails are chipped, and she looks exhausted. At the sound of the door opening, she sits up. A fluffy white shape bounds toward her and leaps onto the couch beside her.
GWEN: Gunn! You got the puppy!
GUNN: Saved from certain death in the nick of time! I named him Lucky, and he's perfect. I picked up all his supplies while I was out, too.
He hauls in several bags full to bursting with dog items such as toys, food, a bed, and brushes. Then he gets a good look at Gwen, who is petting Lucky.
GUNN: What happened to you? I thought you would take it easy while I was out.
GWEN: I was watching over two babies all that time. No one in their right mind can call that easy. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] We hit a few rough patches. Nothing I couldn't handle.
GUNN: Good, 'cause I'm beginning to see that it won't be easy juggling fatherhood with my Wolfram & Hart responsibilities, and I was hoping you'd like to help me out with that.
GWEN: Did you ever stop to think that maybe I came back to Los Angeles for a reason other than to be your on-call babysitter?
GUNN: Actually, no, it didn't. Sorry. So, why *did* you come back?
GWEN: I need a job. I was hoping you could help me get one.
GUNN: Like I said, the role of babysitter is wide open.
GWEN: Not that kind of job! Something at Wolfram & Hart. Something that suits my abilities! Something dangerous! Not that watching your kids can't be that at times. (She examines her chipped nails.) [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
GUNN: Yeah, sure, I think there's an opening for you somewhere. I'll talk to Angel about it.
#############
ANGEL'S PENTHOUSE
SPIKE creeps inside. The penthouse is dark and deserted. Spike looks down at the Gem of Amara he is wearing. Then he removes a small black box from his pocket and takes off the lid. Inside the box is a ring identical to his own. SPIKE replaces the lid and goes over to Angel's desk. There, he pulls out a pad of paper and a a pen and writes the following note:
"Angel,
Here is your half of the Gem of Amara. I wanted to give it to you earlier but you wouldn't listen to me. Meet me at the bluff above Rainbow Cove at sunrise. We need to talk. If you don't show up, I'll take it as a sign.
--William"
Spike reads the note and nods, satisfied. He tucks the note inside the box, then sets the box on Angel's bed and leaves the room.
#############
ALLEY NEAR WOLFRAM & HART
Very late. Very dark. Early hours of the morning. KATHY is plodding along, angry and confused. She kicks a stone as she walks.
KATHY: Stupid Angel. Stupid brother. Who needs him? He sucked even when he was a human.
She gives the stone a hearty kick. It skips off into the darkness. Ahead, an unseen person cries out in pain. Kathy tenses and strides ahead, looking around.
KATHY: Hello? Is anyone here?
She spots a dark figure lying on the ground and approaches more cautiously. REVEAL that it is LINDSEY, still wrapped in the blanket.
KATHY: Who are you? What are you doing here?
Lindsey moans.
LINDSEY: Angel. Revenge.
KATHY: You want revenge on Angel, too? What a coincidence! You're coming with me.
She helps Lindsey up and they go off together.
#############
ANGEL'S PENTHOUSE
About half an hour before sunrise. ANGEL enters and shrugs off his coat, relieved to be home. He glances around and spots the box lying atop his pillow. He frowns, confused. He crosses the room, picks up the box, and gingerly lifts the lid. He removes the note and looks at the ring. Then he unfolds the note and reads it. He doesn't like what it says. He crumples up the paper and tosses it aside. He clearly doesn't intend to meet Spike anywhere. He turns away and then a thought occurs to him. He retrieves the paper, smoothes it out, and reads it again.
ANGEL: Why would Spike ask me to meet him at sunrise?
Realization strikes. Angel grabs his ring and runs out of the penthouse at top speed.
CUT TO: bluff. SPIKE, who is wearing his ring, is standing near the edge, waiting. The sky is still dark but shows hints of lightening.
CUT TO: ANGEL in his car, speeding down the street. As he drives, he sticks his ring on his finger.
The song "A Moment Like This" begins to play in the background.
"What if I told you it was all meant to be,
Would you believe me
Would you agree"
As the song continues, a montage of ANGEL/SPIKE moments appears onscreen, including:
-Spike seeing Angel for the first time in years in "School Hard."
-Angelus kissing Spike on the forehead in "Innocence."
-Spike whacking Angelus with the andiron in "Becoming Part II."
-Angel and Spike fighting side by side in "Lovers Walk."
-Spike watching as Angel is tortured in "In the Dark."
-Spike and Angel talking on the couch in "Hellbound."
-Angelus meeting the newly turned William in "Destiny."
-Angel and Spike fighting over the Cup of Perpetual Torment in "Destiny."
-Spike saving Angel from the parasite in "Soul Purpose."
-Angel visiting Spike in the hospital at the end of "Damage."
-Spike and Angel scuffling in the hallway in "You're Welcome."
-Angel and Spike encountering each other in the submarine in "Why We Fight."
-Puppet!Angel jumping Spike in the elevator in "Smile Time."
-Angel and Spike holding hands in "A Hole in the World."
CUT TO: bluff. Spike is waiting. The first rays of light appear on the horizon.
"A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this"
CUT TO: ANGEL in his car, racing to meet Spike.
"Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this."
CUT TO: bluff. The sun's rays are shining upon SPIKE. He looks for Angel once more. He doesn't see him. Spike sighs. He has given up. He turns to fully face the sunlight and grasps the ring on his finger. He begins to remove it.
"A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss"
CUT TO: ANGEL dashing up the hill at supervamp speed. He knocks SPIKE's hand away from the ring and pulls him into a passionate kiss. PULL BACK. Angel and Spike embrace, framed by the colors of the new sunrise.
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this
FADEOUT.
VOICEOVER: Music in this episode was provided by Kelly Clarkson.
SPOILERS: through "Shells"
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: "Angel" has been cancelled. Angel, Spike, Lorne, Fred, Wesley, and Gunn fight back. Humor.
See first part for disclaimer, notes.
"Motivation"
The cast taped the first of their six remaining episodes in record time. They had never finished one so fast before. Even the climactic Angel/Spike scene went quickly, played to perfection on the first take. That fact in itself was frightening, considering that both Spike and Angel had initially vehemently protested the very existence of the scene. Something had changed their minds. Whatever it was, though, no one tried too hard to find out. They had too much else to worry about.
Eventually it was time to tackle episode two. Again Gunn, Lorne, Spike, Angel and Wesley gathered in the office. Fred was also there, since she'd been restored to the cast due to Wesley's miraculous new time-altering ability. However, although Kathy had appeared in the previous episode, she was not present, mainly because she was an annoying newbie who was only on the show to help snag those elusive younger viewers, the mindless pursuit of whom had taken over the television marketplace and severely compromised program quality.
Everyone expectantly faced Lorne, who had once more worked on the new script. It was a job no one else was willing to take on.
"Well?" Gunn said. "You decide on cast changes yet?"
"We're still smoothing those out, but there's what we have so far. Gwen Raiden and Connor are coming back, and a new 20ish character named Paige will be introduced in the next episode."
"Paige?" Fred repeated. "Isn't that the name of one of the sisters on..."
"'Charmed,' yeah," Lorne confirmed. "Our plots have occasionally turned up on their show, so we're returning the favor a little by borrowing a name from them. Anyone here have a problem with that? No? Good. Anyway, aside from Gwen, Connor, and Paige, there are a couple of other changes. Don't worry; they're for the good of the show." While the others curiously watched, Lorne moved to the door and opened it. Eve and Lindsey walked in. "Everyone, welcome Lindsey back and wave goodbye to Eve. See, there is method to my madness. It's a trade. Move along, Eve."
With that, Eve was gone and Lindsey was not.
"The senior partners are going to spit Lindsey back out at us and take Eve away in his place," Lorne continued.
"That's very, well, interesting," Fred said carefully. "But why are they doing it?"
"Why?" Lorne echoed. "Who cares why? They just do. Accept it and move on."
Wesley nodded. "I understand. Logic has now taken up accommodations with common sense in a distant part of town."
"We're like 'One Tree Hill,'" Lorne informed him. "We don't need logic, and we don't need common sense, either. We do, however, need some semblance of character motivation."
Lindsey spoke up. "Great point. What about my motivation? Am I good or am I evil? How do I play my scenes?"
"Inscrutably, because we're making up your story as we go along."
Lindsey shrugged. "Okay."
"Okay?" said Lorne. "That's it? No complaints? Now, this is the kind of reaction I like to see. Why can't the rest of you be as agreeable as Lindsey and do what I say without protesting?"
Angel spoke up. "Oh, I don't know. I find it hard to be agreeable when it results in things like Spike declaring his love for me. Still, no harm done as long as I get to beat him up in the next episode." He paused. "Hey, I do get to beat him up, right?"
"No, 'cause my idiotic declaration was a nightmare scene," Spike corrected him. "Had to be. Which you'll see soon's we get the next script."
"Where *is* the script?" Fred asked, beginning to frown.
"It's being photocopied as I speak," Lorne replied. "I guarantee you, it's terrific. Spike, you'll hover between hopelessness and despair throughout the episode. Angel, you're confused and angry. The sudden reappearance of Kathy is seriously complicating your life. Gunn, you run the gamut. This episode is a true emotional workout for you. You celebrate the existence of life in the form of those beautiful, precious babies who are under your care, and later you mourn the senselessness of unnecessary death. You also hook up with Gwen again. Fred, Wes, you're the easy ones. Your mindset is that you're in love and happy. Don't worry, it won't last long. Just give us a couple of episodes to build up to making your lives miserable again. We have to milk you two for all the drama you're worth. Last but not least, I even give myself a story in this episode, for a change. I'm reading potential new employees, including the mysterious girl we eventually hire, and I uncover Knox's evil intentions toward Fred and nip them in the bud."
"Doesn't sound so bad," Gunn admitted. "So why do I have this real bad feeling about it?"
"No idea," Lorne said dismissively. "None of you could do any better."
His confidence momentarily reassured the others, but they all tensed as soon as the door opened and Harmony came in with an armful of scripts.
"Here ya go," she said, handing them out. "I just love this episode!"
"That settles things," Angel decided as he reluctantly accepted his copy. "If Harmony likes it, it can't possibly be good."
Before the cast could begin to tear apart his latest work, Lorne made an offer. "Everyone who's willing to save their energy and accept the script as it stands can leave now."
Lindsey and Fred were the only ones who stood up. Fred looked around the table, saw that no one else was moving, and sat back down. Lindsey shrugged and left the room.
Lorne scowled when he saw that most of his audience remained. "Fine, you obviously don't trust me, despite all we've been through together. But you will in a few minutes. We're going to approach this script sensibly. We'll look over it together and address any concerns here and now, so that we're all satisfied I did the right thing."
"That sounds really fair, Lorne," Fred approved. "Don't you all think so, too?" She waited for support that didn't come.
Instead, Angel glared at Lorne. "I have a problem already."
"What page are you on?" Lorne said calmly.
"One! Page one! The opening scene can't be right."
"No?" Lorne scanned the lines. "Why not?"
"Because after Spike says he's in love with me, it has me just walking away. I thought I'd get to beat him up!"
"And I thought it was a nightmare," Spike reminded everyone. "It couldn't really have happened."
"It did. Deal with it and move on." Lorne turned the page.
Angel did not. "You seriously intend to put me and Spike together? That's just wrong. Besides, isn't the show supposed to be predictable now? Well, pairing me and Spike is the opposite of that."
"It's perfectly possible to be predictable yet groundbreaking at the same time. 'Dawson's Creek' paved the way for us there. Besides, it's a widely accepted belief that vampires are inherently bisexual, so half of our audience has been expecting you and Spike to jump each other all season. They won't be at all surprised. Problem solved."
Angel and Spike began to shout at the same time, so that neither could clearly be heard.
"Shut up, you two!" yelled Gunn, who had advanced to his own scenes. "I got it worse than you did!"
This impressive statement succeeded in quieting Spike and Angel, and they flipped ahead to analyze Gunn's material.
"I'm going to the animal shelter to adopt a dog," Gunn summarized with a grimace. "That isn't a story. It's a joke. Has to be."
Lorne shook his head. "Not in the least. Besides featuring cute twins, '7th Heaven' also has a fluffy white dog named Happy. Highest rated show on the network, so it obviously works for them. Besides, this is our big chance to shoehorn in a social issue. Gunn, you are to visit the pound, see the multitudes of miserable animals piled up hoping for adoption into a loving home, and trumpet the cause of pet-population control. Think Bob Barker at the end of every 'Price is Right' episode, only more long-winded. After your moving speech, you will carry little Lucky home to a joyful new life. We need to hit viewers over the heads with this one."
"This has gotta be the stupidest thing I've ever read, and that's saying something." Gunn waved his script for emphasis. "This part. Where my eyes well up, and this one perfect tear dislodges itself and rolls down my cheek in 'solitary glory.' What the hell is that about? One stupid tear?"
"Greater impact. A string of tears is far less dramatic than one all by itself. Your eyes must brim to the brink, but you're to only allow one single tear its release."
"Nice trick if you can manage it," Gunn muttered.
"It just takes a little control. Like this." Lorne's eyes immediately brimmed with moisture; he held the look for a moment before one large droplet descended from his left eye and dribbled down his cheek.
Gunn lapsed into sullen silence, but Angel filled the gap. "Another thing. Spike and I can't each get part of the Gem of Amara. Aside from the fact that there really shouldn't even be a Gem anymore, what's the point of us being basically invulnerable? Seems like viewers won't worry about our safety as much anymore, and we want them to care what happens to us."
"Not a problem," Lorne assured him. "I refer you to Clark Kent on 'Smallville.' He gets hit by a bus--the bus is mangled, and Clark doesn't have a scratch on him. Need I remind you, 'Smallville' always attracts a bigger audience than we do, so plenty of people prefer invincible Clark to us."
"Yeah, well, back to this thing with Angel and me--it makes no bloody sense," Spike stressed.
"It most certainly does!" Lorne roared, eyes bulging and fists forming. "We're setting up a love triangle. We want to get Buffy back on the show. Well, think of how dramatic it'll be if she returns only to find her two exes shacking up together. Think of the dramatic tension! Think of the press coverage! Think of the ratings soaring! Look, boys, do you want to remain cancelled, or do you want to stay on the air? Suck it up and play the scenes or I'll find someone else to do it!"
Cowed by Lorne's fury and reminded of their goal, Spike and Angel dropped the argument. For the time being.
Still quivering with rage, Lorne turned to the people on his right. "Fred, Wes, everyone else has had their turn at tearing apart my efforts. Go ahead--here's your big chance."
"Oh, no, the script is great," Fred quickly responded. "Really great. Except for maybe one tiny little thing. It's almost nothing, though."
"Yes?" Lorne prodded.
"Um, where's my dialogue?" Fred blurted.
"And mine," Wesley added. "Neither of us seem to have any lines. Some pages must be missing from the script."
Lorne waved away this concern. "No, they're complete, all right. You two have no dialogue, but you should limber up your lips anyway, because you have lots of make-out scenes in this episode. Five, to be exact."
"Be glad you don't have any dialogue," Gunn interjected. "These lame jokes are not funny."
Lorne smiled. "Great. We'll fit right in with just about every other show out there, then. Gang, you have to understand that we have a choice: Our dialogue can be witty but shallow, like on 'Gilmore Girls' and 'Charmed,' or unmemorable and simplistic, like on '7th Heaven,' 'Everwood,' 'One Tree Hill,' and 'Smallville.' I vote for the majority opinion, which also happens to be the path of least resistance. Do you have any idea how much easier it is to write boring, cliched dialogue than it is to come up with the good stuff? Why struggle against the tide? Besides, no one cares when we do make the effort. If they did, our ratings would have been great for years and we wouldn't be cancelled."
Angel pointed to the last page of his script. "I can tolerate the lame dialogue. I can survive the lapses in continuity, like the fact that suddenly all of us live in adjacent Wolfram & Hart penthouses. I can even put up with sharing most of my scenes with Spike, as long as that doesn't last too long. But this music montage at the end has to go."
"Music montage?" Spike almost tore the pages in his haste to reach the last one. "There's a bleeding music montage at the end of this episode?"
Lorne beamed. "Yes, one of the finest bits, if I do say so myself. Up until now, we'd mostly overlooked the obvious--the blatant, sometimes inappropriate, usage of hip new music during episodes. We won't make that mistake again. We're showcasing our great new couple of Angel and Spike by displaying their complex history, set to a popular song."
"No," Spike whispered. "No. Any song but this one!"
"And what, may I ask, is wrong with Kelly Clarkson's 'A Moment Like This'?"
***
EPISODE: "Miracle in Los Angeles"
TEASER
Various shots of Los Angeles: tall buildings, traffic jams, crowded storefronts, masses of hurrying people, etc.
VOICE-OVER. Narration by LORNE.
Los Angeles is a very big town, but it can also be a very lonely town. Two vampires were about to discover this. These vampires were very old, but for all their age and experience, they were still very stupid when it came to love. Is there any hope for them?
FADE IN.
WOLFRAM & HART - ANGEL'S OFFICE
It is night. ANGEL is standing by the window, facing outward. SPIKE stands beside him and a little to the rear, facing the same way. Spike is looking intently at Angel's face. He opens his mouth, closes it, and opens it again as he finally screws up the courage to speak.
SPIKE: Angel, you want to know the real reason I'm staying in town? It's not because I'm afraid to see Buffy. It's not even because of that stupid shanshu prophecy. (steps closer to Angel) It's because of you. It's because I've finally realized my true feelings for you, Peaches. I don't hate you.
Spike takes a deep breath and delivers his big line.
SPIKE: I'm in love with you.
CUT TO: Angel's reaction. He is stunned into silence. He stands, still staring outward, seemingly unable to respond. Finally, after about 10 seconds, he turns around and walks out of the office. Spike watches him go but makes no attempt to stop him. Another several seconds pass with Spike alone in the office before he speaks. He shakes his head.
SPIKE: Maybe I shouldn't have called him Peaches. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
BLACKOUT. END TEASER.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - HARMONY'S DESK
It is morning. HARMONY is seated at her desk, painting her left index fingernail a lurid red. She finishes, holds up the finger for inspection, frowns, and sets aside the bottle of nail polish. She picks up a different bottle and begins to paint the next nail in a pale pink. Harmony hears giggling and looks up, toward the nearby corridor. She sees two laughing employees who are watching a couple in the middle of the corridor. Harmony recognizes FRED and WESLEY, who are kissing passionately, oblivious to the fact that they are blocking the way. Harmony smiles. The employees move around Wesley and Fred and walk over to Harmony's desk.
HARMONY: Aren't they the cutest couple? Don't you just love them together?
CUT TO: Wesley and Fred, still kissing. Hold shot for 10 seconds.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - LARGE OFFICE
LORNE is seated at a round table. KNOX stands beside him. Lorne looks at the doorway. He sees a long line of people standing just outside. PAN DOWN the line. It extends out the door, down the hallway, around a corner, down another hallway, around another corner, and into the stairwell. It is ridiculously long. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] Lorne sighs and turns to Knox.
LORNE: Thanks so much for helping me out today. I don't know why Angel can't interview some of these people himself. After all, he is the boss.
KNOX: I don't mind giving you a hand. We're all in this together.
LORNE: You have a great attitude. Still, look at the length of that line. This is gonna be a long day. Well, might as well get started now.
Knox goes over to the doorway and instructs the first person to enter, then goes into the hallway and closes the door to give Lorne some privacy. The applicant hands a folder full of papers to Lorne, who opens it and glances at the top page. Lorne then looks at the job applicant. He is a young man, well dressed, but he seems nervous as he fidgets, stares at Lorne's horns, and then quickly looks away.
LORNE: All right, Ephram, let's hear what you've got. Go on, sing.
EPHRAM: Sing? Uh, okay. Let's see. Once when I was five I shoplifted a pack of gum from a grocery store, but my mom made me take it back. And when I was eight, I hit--
Lorne interrupts.
LORNE: No, no, I mean sing as in harmonize. As in "Happy Birthday" or "Amazing Grace" or whatever else you know the words to. Sing! [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
EPHRAM: Oh.
After a moment, Ephram launches into an off-key version of "My Girl." His voice cracks on a particularly high note. Lorne winces. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
LORNE: Oh, yeah. This is definitely gonna be a long day. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
#############
GUNN'S PENTHOUSE - LIVING ROOM
GUNN smiles as he looks down upon the twin Chinese orphans who are under his care. They lie side by side, dressed in matching outfits, staring up at him and giggling. They appear to be perfectly content and healthy.
GUNN: Tia, you're such a joy to have around. You too, Mia.
He picks up the baby on the left and spins around the room with her in his arms.
GUNN: I can't believe I have such miracles in my life. It's almost beyond comprehension.
He slows and stops the spin. He puts the baby back down. The other baby opens its mouth and screams.
GUNN: Poor Tia. No, you're Mia. No, you're Tia. I think. Oh, I shouldn't have dressed you both the same. Now I can't tell you apart! [CUE LAUGH TRACK] I need to stop dressing you identically. It's just too confusing.
He looks at the crying baby.
GUNN: What's wrong? Huh? Are you jealous of your sister? Are you mad because I forgot who you are? What is it?
He picks up the second baby and spins her around as well, but it's no use; she continues to yell and flail her fists.
GUNN: Come on, give me a clue. Do you need your bottle? Are you tired? Bored? What?
Finally, he checks the baby's diaper and realizes it needs to be changed.
GUNN: Okay, I gotcha. Just give me a minute here.
He goes over to a large wicker basket and pulls out a cloth diaper and safety pins. He carefully sets the baby down on the changing table and gets to work removing the soiled diaper and putting the new one on the baby. However, he struggles with the pins, repeatedly pricking his fingers.
GUNN: Ow! Ouch! Ow!
CUT TO: hallway floor outside Gunn's penthouse. We see a stylish pair of women's shoes on the carpet. Slowly PAN UP the woman's legs to reveal that she is wearing a VERY short skirt, continue up her body, LINGER, move up to her face. It is GWEN RAIDEN. She presses the doorbell. Waits. Taps her foot. Presses the doorbell again. Inside, Gunn is finished with the baby. He jogs over to the door and begins to fumble with the knob. In the hallway, Gwen checks her watch, purses her lips, taps her foot, presses the doorbell again. She waits.
GUNN (from inside): I'm coming!
Gwen shifts her weight and raises an eyebrow. She waits, and waits, and waits. Finally the door opens and Gunn appears.
GUNN: Gwen! Long time, no see.
GWEN: What took you so long to open the door? I could have picked the lock more efficiently.
GUNN holds up his hands to display 10 bandaged fingers, a few with lurid blood stains on them.
GUNN: See if you can open up so fast when your fingers have been used as pincushions! [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - SUPPLY CLOSET
WESLEY and FRED are still making out, only now they have moved to a more private location. As they embrace, they knock over several of the cleaning supplies that are in the closet with them: brooms, mops, etc.
Outside the closet, HARMONY is walking down the hallway. She hears odd noises coming from the closet and frowns. Curious, she walks over and opens the door to see Wesley and Fred kissing. They don't even notice her. Harmony giggles and closes the door, then walks away with a smile on her face. Behind her, a loud crash sounds from inside the supply closet. Harmony merely smiles more broadly and keeps going.
#############
ALLEY BESIDE WOLFRAM & HART
ANGEL is pacing up and down the alley, careful to keep to the shadowed sections. He looks furious.
ANGEL: Stupid Spike! Saying he loves me! What gives him the right? He doesn't care about anyone except himself. He has a nerve, lying to me that way. He must want something from me.
He sidesteps a patch of sunlight and continues to pace, head down, muttering to himself. He sees a pair of shoes on the pavement in front of him and stops abruptly. He looks up to see his sister KATHY, dressed in a skintight blue catsuit.
ANGEL: Sis! You came to see me!
He moves forward to try to embrace Kathy; she steps away, nose in the air.
KATHY: Yes, I came to see you. I want to tell you exactly how I feel about you. It's your fault I've been a half-vampire for the last 250 years. I'm neither human nor demon, fitting into neither universe. I'm a square peg in a round world, a directionless dandelion puff blowing in the wind. If you had only done the job properly when you went to kill me. Either that or completely turned me, rather than leaving me to suffer in limbo, midway.
ANGEL: Kathy, you have to understand, it wasn't me who attacked you that night. It was my demon, Angelus. Don't be confused by the fact that our names are similar. We are actually separate entities. I'm not responsible for his actions, and he isn't responsible for mine. At least, that's one school of thought. Another is that Angelus is simply me minus my soul, and everything he does is what I was already inclined to do, so I really do bear responsibility and guilt. On the other hand, if it's a matter of responsibility and control, then maybe I ought to see a psychiatrist and sort all of this out.
Kathy shakes her head and walks away. Angel doesn't notice.
ANGEL: So if you can hold me accountable for what Angelus does, then you also have to hold him accountable for what I do. That means he gets partial credit for all of my good deeds. That doesn't seem fair, does it? I mean, I'm the one who says, "Hey, there's a cat up a tree, let's hop up and carry it down." Angelus might jump up after it but you know him; he'd be a lot more likely to drink its blood and then complain about getting cat hair in his mouth. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] So you see, Kathy....
He looks up and notices that Kathy is gone.
ANGEL: Kathy? Kathy? Where'd she go? [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
CUT TO: nearby rooftop. SPIKE is crouched in the sunlight, a ring prominently displayed on one finger. This ring holds the Gem of Amara. Spike sadly watches as Angel is unable to pursue his sister into the sunlight. Spike fingers his ring and looks thoughtful.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - LARGE OFFICE
LORNE is still conducting job interviews. A dark-haired woman in her mid-30s enters for her appointment. Lorne looks over her application.
LORNE: What are you going to sing for me, Lorelai?
LORELAI: (sings) "But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, I just don't think he'd un-der-stand. And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart..."
Lorne winces and claps a hand over Lorelai's mouth.
LORNE: Thank you, dearie. That's enough. Actually, more than enough. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] Next!
Lorelai leaves the office. KNOX comes in.
KNOX: How's it going, boss?
LORNE: Terrible! Not one of these applicants can carry a tune in a bucket. You'd think they're all related to Angel! [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
KNOX: I'll send the next one in. Maybe she'll be better.
Knox walks toward the door. He begins to hum. Lorne's head shoots up and he listens keenly. He frowns, but his concentration is broken when his cell phone rings. He answers it.
LORNE: Hello? ... A demon, you say? In the sewers? I'll be right there!
#############
GUNN'S PENTHOUSE - LIVING ROOM
GUNN and GWEN are sitting on the couch, talking. The babies have been moved to the bedroom and are napping.
GWEN: It's incredible that you've been entrusted with the care of those two precious angels.
GUNN: Tell me about it. They've totally changed my life already.
GWEN: And you're doing such a wonderful job with them. It's obvious they adore you already, even if you do keep forgetting which one is which. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] But there are a few things you could be doing just a little bit better. For instance, if you used disposable diapers, you wouldn't hurt your fingers.
GUNN: Nah, I can't go to disposable. I'm environmentally conscious.
Gwen looks politely puzzled.
GUNN: Many people don't know this, but according to a January 2004 Educational Landmarks study, 20 billion disposable diapers weighing approximately seven billion pounds are added to U.S. landfills each year. Disposable diapers take nearly 500 years to decompose. For all of those reasons and more, I choose cloth.
Gunn's cell phone rings at the conclusion of this little speech. He answers it.
GUNN: Hello? ... Demon? ... In the sewers? ... Count me in!
He stands up and starts toward the door before coming back to earth.
GUNN: I have responsibilities now. I'm a family man. No more running off because now I'd be leaving my kids in the lurch.
GWEN: I'll watch them for you.
GUNN: Okay! By the way, I might be home late. I want to stop by the pound to pick up a puppy for the girls.
Gunn exits, leaving Gwen in charge of the babies.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - CORRIDOR
HARMONY appears at the end of the corridor. She looks down it and is relieved to see WESLEY and FRED kissing. She walks down the corridor and taps Wesley on the shoulder.
HARMONY: Hey! Sewer demon! Go fight it! Fred will still be here when you get back. I promise.
Somehow, she manages to separate the two. She pushes Wesley off in the direction of the sewers and prevents Fred from following him.
#############
SEWERS
GUNN, WESLEY, SPIKE, ANGEL, and LORNE are clutching various weapons and moving slowly and carefully through the uneven footing. Spike keeps glancing over at Angel, who appears to be deliberately avoiding his gaze. The group rounds a curve in the tunnel and before them they see a huge brown DEMON with six eyes and eight legs.
LORNE: Aaaattttaaaacccckkkkk!
Lorne runs forward, screaming and wildly swinging his ax. The demon swipes him with one of its legs. Lorne drops in his tracks, unconscious. Angel, Gunn, Wesley, and Spike move in more cautiously, spread out so the demon can't take them all out at once. Wesley goes on the offensive, trying to distract the demon. He shoots it with a crossbow. The demon roars in pain and wrenches the arrow out of its shoulder. Gunn rushes in and slashes the demon in one leg with his sword. Spike and Angel attack from opposite sides, jumping back when the demon swipes at them and closing in again when it turns its attention elsewhere. Slowly, they begin to wear it down. Then Angel slips in the muck of the sewer. He is down, exposed and vulnerable to the demon's claws. Spike sees this. His eyes turn golden and he screams.
SPIKE: Nooooooooooo!
SLOW MOTION. Spike runs forward, hefts his ax, and makes a great leap onto the demon's back. He begins to swing the ax forward, but before he can finish the motion, the demon rolls backward and crushes Spike against the wall behind him. Spike loses his grip and, still in SLOW MOTION, falls to the ground and lies unmoving.
Back to REGULAR SPEED. Spike's brave but stupid move has given the others the opportunity they were waiting for. Spike distracted the demon just long enough for Wesley, Gunn, and a recovered Angel to close in for the kill. They simultaneously swing or fire their weapons and puncture the demon's middle. It explodes, slime shooting out and showering all of them plus Spike, who still lies within range. The only one who escapes the "bath" is Lorne, who is 50 yards away.
GUNN: (examines the mess on his outfit) Aw, dammit! I liked this shirt, too!
Spike sits up, shaking his head and looking dazed. Wesley goes over to help him up. Angel makes no move to assist him. Spike sadly looks over at Angel, who is steadfastly refusing to acknowledge his existence. GROUP SHIRTLESS SCENE ensues, as Gunn, Spike, Wesley, and Angel all remove their slimed clothing. PAN DOWN the line for a good look.
ANGEL: Is Lorne okay?
Angel walks over to check on Lorne. Spike and the others follow him. Angel checks on Lorne's condition and turns to find Spike standing before him. Angel stares at Spike and then turns and walks away. Spike stares after him, shoulders slumped.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - BASEMENT FILE ROOM
Rows of file cabinets line the walls. No employees are present. EVE eases open the door. She stops and listens to make sure no one is around. Reassured by the silence, she proceeds into the room and studies the rows of cabinets. She opens one and begins to dig through the files. Then she stops, hearing a distant rumbling noise that gradually becomes louder. It continues to gain in volume. Eve begins to look worried. She glances around, trying to figure out which direction the noise is coming from. She isn't sure. She slowly turns in a circle. Suddenly she starts to spin at incredible speed. She is not doing this by herself. Eve opens her mouth to scream but her protest is lost as she whips around and around so fast, she is barely visible anymore. A vortex opens in the ceiling above her. Eve's feet leave the ground and she is sucked upward, through the vortex, and disappears. A body falls out of the opening. The vortex gradually disappears.
PAN TO: floor. Naked figure, curled up in fetal position. CLOSE UP of the man's face. It is LINDSEY. He is shivering, eyes wide, staring. Slowly, his shivers die down. He becomes aware of his surroundings. He sits up and looks around.
LINDSEY: Wolfram & Hart. Why am I back? Is this even real, or is it just another nightmare?
He attempts to stand up but is too weak, and slumps to the ground again. He sees a blanket that just happens to be lying in the corner and is able to pull himself over to it and wrap it around himself.
LINDSEY: Revenge. I must get revenge.
He crawls out of the room.
#############
SPIKE'S PENTHOUSE
SPIKE is sitting at his desk, looking thoughtful. He removes his Gem of Amara ring and studies it. Then he picks up a small tool and carefully begins to chip at the stone. After much painstaking effort, he has chipped it into two equal pieces. One, he leaves in his ring setting. The other, he holds up to a fresh setting. He nods, satisfied.
SPIKE: This'll win Angel over. It'll prove how I feel about him. It has to. It's my last chance.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - LARGE OFFICE
LORNE is back to interviewing job applicants. However, he seems more interested in observing KNOX. As another rejected applicant leaves the room, Lorne addresses Knox.
LORNE: You know, I don't think poor Phoebe had the lyrics to "The Real Slim Shady" down quite right. She tried, bless her heart; she tried. But I wasn't feelin' the love. Do *you* know the words, Knox?
KNOX: Sure. (He begins to rap.) "May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?"
Lorne's eyes narrow. He leaps up and strikes a dramatic pose, forefinger pointed at Knox's chest.
LORNE: You! You're the epitome of evil, the nadir of nastiness, the image of... well, I can't think of an appropriate word that starts with an "i" right now, but whatever it is, you're it. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] You've been secretly plotting against dear, sweet, innocent Fred ever since she came to work here! But your secret is secret no longer!
Knox gulps and makes a break for the door. Lorne darts after him and tackles him. They both hit the door hard. The door, which was ajar, flies open. Knox, with Lorne atop him, shoots out into the hallway. The line of job applicants scatters.
MAN: The rumors were true--they really do eat the employees here! I knew I should applied at ABC instead! [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
Lorne proceeds to pummel Knox as the horrified applicants look on. A security team finally rushes over and pulls Lorne off. Knox, who took a lot of damage, remains on the floor, not wanting to provoke another attack. Lorne addresses the security team.
LORNE: Fellas, we have a problem here. Let me go with you so we can discuss what to do with Knox. No one threatens my friends and gets away with it. At least, not when I have a security force to back me up. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] (He turns back to the applicants.) By the way, folks, looks like we have a new job opening. Stick around and I'll be back with you as soon as I can.
Lorne, the guards, and Knox leave. The remaining applicants look at each other. Most of their faces reflect the exact same point: They don't want to work in a place like this. Approximately 95% of those who were waiting turn and escape instead. A few people, however, remain. One, a beautiful young woman, has a determined expression on her face. She isn't going anywhere.
#############
ANIMAL SHELTER
[SCENE: GUNN'S LAMENT]
GUNN has arrived at the animal shelter. He steps forward into the "cell block," where he sees rows and rows and rows of cramped cages filled to bursting with every imaginable sort of dog, cat, bird, hamster, etc. The noises they make are pitiful. Some whine; others bark; still others keen, hiss, or whistle in high-pitched tones. Gunn is visibly upset and frustrated.
GUNN: What world is this, that permits such travesties--the agony of the caged bird and the imprisoned cat and the unwanted dog? What people are these, who look away without care, who walk by without blinking, who never spare a thought for these poor, innocent creatures? What will become of the Pomeranians and the Siamese, the Labradors and the Russian Blues, the terriers and the parakeets? This unnecessary waste of vibrant life could be stemmed if only people displayed half as much humanity as one of these animals possesses. Please, folks, spay and neuter your pets. Stop the population explosion of unwanted kittens and puppies. Spare them this agony, this terrible suffering. Become better people by caring for the fates of helpless beasts who rely upon you for their salvation. Is no humanity left in this world? I weep for it.
Gunn looks around again and his eyes slowly well up with moisture. Then one single tear dislodges itself and rolls down his cheek in solitary glory. HOLD SHOT.
A cold nose presses into Gunn's palm. He looks down. A fluffy white puppy is attempting to comfort him. Gunn smiles.
GUNN: Who are you, you adorable creature?
A shelter employee runs up to him.
EMPLOYEE: I'm sorry, sir, this dog is supposed to be put down today but he escaped as I was taking him away.
GUNN: You mean he was on his way to the gas chamber just now?
EMPLOYEE: Not exactly the gas chamber. We use injections in this facility.
GUNN: Not on this dog, you don't! I may not be able to save all of them, but at least I can save Lucky. He's coming home with me.
As if he understands every word, Lucky wildly wags his tail and barks.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - LARGE OFFICE
LORNE is again screening job applicants, this time of course without Knox's assistance. Few people remain anyway; most were scared off by the earlier scene between Lorne and Knox. However, a svelte, 20ish GIRL dressed in a green leotard glides into the office. It is the same woman we saw before, who looked determined to win the job. She has shimmering golden tresses that fall halfway down her back, sparkling sapphire eyes, and an oval face with high cheekbones. She has the beauty of a goddess, the poise of a model, and the grace of a dancer. Lorne stares at her, transfixed. She smiles serenely and hands him her folder. Lorne manages to tear his gaze away from the vision before him and glance over her application.
LORNE: So, uh, Paige--wait, that's not your name, that's a page of paper--wait, it *is* your name, Paige Leparfait, and it's written on a page of paper. Paige and page. Very confusing. (He laughs nervously.) I don't usually get so flustered. I don't know what it is about you. I apologize.
PAIGE: That's quite all right. No need to apologize.
Not surprisingly, her voice is melodious and soothing.
LORNE: Well, would you like to sing a song for me?
PAIGE: Of course. (She smiles, revealing rows of perfect, gleaming white teeth.) "Somewhere over the rainbow, there's a land that I heard of, once in a lullaby...."
Lorne is captivated. He listens to Paige sing the entire song. When she finishes, he applauds.
LORNE: You're hired!
PAIGE: Don't you want to look over my resume first? [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
LORNE: Oh, uh, yes. (He glances at it for about three seconds, then looks up.) I looked, sugar buns, and you're hired again! [CUE LAUGH TRACK] You know, you have the voice of a nightingale.
PAIGE: Oh, I'm not that good.
LORNE: And so modest, too. Could you *be* any more perfect? If I could hire you again, I would. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - ENTRANCE
It is almost dark outside, but not quite. ANGEL waits impatiently just inside the front doors. In the background, we see FRED and WES kissing by the elevators. Finally, dusk falls. At that precise moment, Angel darts out of the building and begins his hunt for his missing sister. He wanders around, searching nearby alleys, finding no sign of KATHY. Suddenly Angel whips his head around and looks behind himself, but no one is there. He continues onward.
ANGEL: Dammit, Kathy, where are you?
Kathy steps out of the shadows to confront him.
KATHY: I'm right here, big brother.
ANGEL: We need to talk.
KATHY: Like we did earlier? I don't think so. That was just you babbling and making no sense. You only wanted to hear the sound of your own voice, which you seemed to like an awful lot. You obviously didn't care what I thought about what you were saying.
ANGEL: That's not true. (He reconsiders.) Well, the part about liking the sound of my own voice is. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] But what's wrong with that? Anyway, the part about me not caring about you is way off. You're my sister and I love you.
KATHY: You haven't acted much like it in the past 250 years.
ANGEL: Did you ever stop to think that maybe that was because I didn't know you were alive all that time? [CUE LAUGH TRACK] What do I have to do to make you believe me? What do you want?
KATHY: Over 250 years ago, you took my trust in you and twisted it into something ugly. You nearly killed me. It's not something you can get over just like that. You have to earn back lost trust.
ANGEL: Tell me how, then.
KATHY: If you don't know, I can't tell you.
ANGEL: Kathy, you're being unreasonable.
KATHY: You almost murder me and ruin my life, and *I'm* the unreasonable one? You know what, Angel? You -- you -- you *suck*! (She stomps her foot.) [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
KATHY bursts into tears and rushes away.
ANGEL: What did I say *this* time? [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
He stands there for a moment. Then, without turning around--
ANGEL: I know you're there, Spike. Might as well move into the open before I come and drag you out.
Sheepish, SPIKE steps forward.
SPIKE: How'd you know it was me? Thought I was being careful and stealth-like. Like a ninja.
ANGEL: I sensed your presence.
SPIKE: (smiles) Really. And what does that tell you?
ANGEL: That you have an annoying aura. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
SPIKE's face falls, but he quickly rallies.
SPIKE: Look what I got here. (He shows Angel his ring.) Nice bit of jewelry, hey?
ANGEL: I've seen better.
SPIKE: Better than the Gem of Amara?
ANGEL: What? (He looks at the ring again, with much more interest this time.) It *is* the Gem! How did you get your hands on it? I had it hidden away in case of an emergency.
SPIKE: Just happened to stumble upon it and thought it would grace my finger nicely. Besides, it's not like you were reaping any benefits from it.
Angel lunges for the ring, but Spike sidesteps him.
SPIKE: You want it back? We could make a deal for it.
ANGEL: Yeah, sure. How about this--you give me back what's mine, and I let you live. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
SPIKE: Not exactly what I had in mind. Thing is, I have a present for you. (He begins to reach into his pocket.
ANGEL: Just go away, Spike. I don't want to bother with any of your crap right now.
SPIKE: (withdraws his hand, nods) Accidentally overheard that bit with your little sis. She was rough on you.
ANGEL: You don't know anything about it. You've never loved anyone or anything in your life except yourself.
SPIKE: That isn't true and you know it. I've always loved you, even when I wanted to deny it.
ANGEL: (claps hands over his ears) I can't hear you. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
SPIKE: (yells) I love you!
The words echo throughout the alley. A window opens overheard.
MAN IN APARTMENT: I love you too! Now shut up so I can get some sleep! [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
SPIKE: Angel, I love you and you can't deny it. Look into my eyes and you'll see the truth.
ANGEL: Look into mine and you'll see the hate. (He glares at Spike.) You're beneath me.
Angel turns and stalks away. Spike's head droops; he slinks off in the opposite direction.
#############
WOLFRAM & HART - CORRIDOR
Most of the employees have gone home. However, a few remain, working late. LORNE walks down the hallway, greeting those he knows. He looks around and spots WESLEY and FRED in a corner, kissing. He goes over to them.
LORNE: Wes, Fred, today I exposed Knox as an instrument of evil, who was planning to stick a giant monkeywrench in the spokes of your wheel of happiness. I know that eventually you two will emerge from your liplock, register what I just said, and want to thank me, so I'll save you the trouble and say "You're welcome" right now. Anything for my favorite lovebirds. All in the line of duty. (He rubs his shoulder.) Except, now that I think about it, I'll be sending you two my chiropractic bill. [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
#############
GUNN'S PENTHOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Evening. GWEN is lying on the couch. Her hair is a mess, her fingernails are chipped, and she looks exhausted. At the sound of the door opening, she sits up. A fluffy white shape bounds toward her and leaps onto the couch beside her.
GWEN: Gunn! You got the puppy!
GUNN: Saved from certain death in the nick of time! I named him Lucky, and he's perfect. I picked up all his supplies while I was out, too.
He hauls in several bags full to bursting with dog items such as toys, food, a bed, and brushes. Then he gets a good look at Gwen, who is petting Lucky.
GUNN: What happened to you? I thought you would take it easy while I was out.
GWEN: I was watching over two babies all that time. No one in their right mind can call that easy. [CUE LAUGH TRACK] We hit a few rough patches. Nothing I couldn't handle.
GUNN: Good, 'cause I'm beginning to see that it won't be easy juggling fatherhood with my Wolfram & Hart responsibilities, and I was hoping you'd like to help me out with that.
GWEN: Did you ever stop to think that maybe I came back to Los Angeles for a reason other than to be your on-call babysitter?
GUNN: Actually, no, it didn't. Sorry. So, why *did* you come back?
GWEN: I need a job. I was hoping you could help me get one.
GUNN: Like I said, the role of babysitter is wide open.
GWEN: Not that kind of job! Something at Wolfram & Hart. Something that suits my abilities! Something dangerous! Not that watching your kids can't be that at times. (She examines her chipped nails.) [CUE LAUGH TRACK]
GUNN: Yeah, sure, I think there's an opening for you somewhere. I'll talk to Angel about it.
#############
ANGEL'S PENTHOUSE
SPIKE creeps inside. The penthouse is dark and deserted. Spike looks down at the Gem of Amara he is wearing. Then he removes a small black box from his pocket and takes off the lid. Inside the box is a ring identical to his own. SPIKE replaces the lid and goes over to Angel's desk. There, he pulls out a pad of paper and a a pen and writes the following note:
"Angel,
Here is your half of the Gem of Amara. I wanted to give it to you earlier but you wouldn't listen to me. Meet me at the bluff above Rainbow Cove at sunrise. We need to talk. If you don't show up, I'll take it as a sign.
--William"
Spike reads the note and nods, satisfied. He tucks the note inside the box, then sets the box on Angel's bed and leaves the room.
#############
ALLEY NEAR WOLFRAM & HART
Very late. Very dark. Early hours of the morning. KATHY is plodding along, angry and confused. She kicks a stone as she walks.
KATHY: Stupid Angel. Stupid brother. Who needs him? He sucked even when he was a human.
She gives the stone a hearty kick. It skips off into the darkness. Ahead, an unseen person cries out in pain. Kathy tenses and strides ahead, looking around.
KATHY: Hello? Is anyone here?
She spots a dark figure lying on the ground and approaches more cautiously. REVEAL that it is LINDSEY, still wrapped in the blanket.
KATHY: Who are you? What are you doing here?
Lindsey moans.
LINDSEY: Angel. Revenge.
KATHY: You want revenge on Angel, too? What a coincidence! You're coming with me.
She helps Lindsey up and they go off together.
#############
ANGEL'S PENTHOUSE
About half an hour before sunrise. ANGEL enters and shrugs off his coat, relieved to be home. He glances around and spots the box lying atop his pillow. He frowns, confused. He crosses the room, picks up the box, and gingerly lifts the lid. He removes the note and looks at the ring. Then he unfolds the note and reads it. He doesn't like what it says. He crumples up the paper and tosses it aside. He clearly doesn't intend to meet Spike anywhere. He turns away and then a thought occurs to him. He retrieves the paper, smoothes it out, and reads it again.
ANGEL: Why would Spike ask me to meet him at sunrise?
Realization strikes. Angel grabs his ring and runs out of the penthouse at top speed.
CUT TO: bluff. SPIKE, who is wearing his ring, is standing near the edge, waiting. The sky is still dark but shows hints of lightening.
CUT TO: ANGEL in his car, speeding down the street. As he drives, he sticks his ring on his finger.
The song "A Moment Like This" begins to play in the background.
"What if I told you it was all meant to be,
Would you believe me
Would you agree"
As the song continues, a montage of ANGEL/SPIKE moments appears onscreen, including:
-Spike seeing Angel for the first time in years in "School Hard."
-Angelus kissing Spike on the forehead in "Innocence."
-Spike whacking Angelus with the andiron in "Becoming Part II."
-Angel and Spike fighting side by side in "Lovers Walk."
-Spike watching as Angel is tortured in "In the Dark."
-Spike and Angel talking on the couch in "Hellbound."
-Angelus meeting the newly turned William in "Destiny."
-Angel and Spike fighting over the Cup of Perpetual Torment in "Destiny."
-Spike saving Angel from the parasite in "Soul Purpose."
-Angel visiting Spike in the hospital at the end of "Damage."
-Spike and Angel scuffling in the hallway in "You're Welcome."
-Angel and Spike encountering each other in the submarine in "Why We Fight."
-Puppet!Angel jumping Spike in the elevator in "Smile Time."
-Angel and Spike holding hands in "A Hole in the World."
CUT TO: bluff. Spike is waiting. The first rays of light appear on the horizon.
"A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this"
CUT TO: ANGEL in his car, racing to meet Spike.
"Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this."
CUT TO: bluff. The sun's rays are shining upon SPIKE. He looks for Angel once more. He doesn't see him. Spike sighs. He has given up. He turns to fully face the sunlight and grasps the ring on his finger. He begins to remove it.
"A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss"
CUT TO: ANGEL dashing up the hill at supervamp speed. He knocks SPIKE's hand away from the ring and pulls him into a passionate kiss. PULL BACK. Angel and Spike embrace, framed by the colors of the new sunrise.
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this
FADEOUT.
VOICEOVER: Music in this episode was provided by Kelly Clarkson.
