ghost2

I recently bought this product called "Miracle Crystal Soil, Nutrient and Moisture Balls for Plants" for two reasons. One is that I'm trying to grow some plants and thought it sounded interesting to use. The second reason is that an online product review said the instructions were hilarious. Boy, was the person who reported that correct!

Also, whoever had the idea of using microscopic black type on a dark blue package made a really bad move. Eyestrain, anyone?

Just to whet your appetites, here is the first line from the directions:
1. Affiliation clean water 1000ml to the Crystal mud soak 6-12 hours to filter the superfluous water.

( Flora that chooses fitly living )

It recently came to my attention that a certain comm is running an anti-Gwen contest. You all know who Gwen is, right? From Torchwood? The worst character on TV? Yeah, that Gwen, the one no one likes.

So, contestants can submit wallpapers, icons, fanfic, banners, etc. And, the bit that made my ears prick up, there's a prize, a lofty offering of six months' paid LJ account time to the winner.

Well, thought I, my graphics abilities are limited (read: craptastic), but certainly I can vomit up throw together carefully craft in the space of ten whole minutes an appropriately shitty Gwen-bashing fanfic entry guaranteed to be totally OOC and thus pleasing to the Gwen haters in question. I have a hard time imagining that anyone else will produce anything more "interesting" in any way, so I believe this contest is over. No need to wait for the deadline; gimme my prize now, dammit!

Title: The Gwen Bashers
Author: ghost2
Rating: PG-13 for language and the presence of Gwen
Word count: 835 words of senseless and stupid Gwen hatred
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Owen, Tosh, and last and least, Gwen
Summary: Gwen gets what she's deserved for a long time.
Beta reader: I am randomly informing the world that I didn't use one.
A/N: I wrote this story in ten minutes, bet you can't tell!
I killed two birds with one stone. Not only is this story an entry in the ----------- comm contest, I used an unfilled prompt from the Gwenbash table: murder.
And now I present: The Gwen Bashers!

( Gwen sucks and everyone hates her, blah, blah, blah )



Wow, that was kind of cathartic. Now I feel motivated to work on The Idiot's Guide to Growing Your Own TARDIS (Handy's attempts to escape an earthbound existence).

One viewer (a Ten/Rose fan; big surprise) was positing that folks who don't like Rose are jealous Doctor/Martha shippers. Seeing that I don't especially like Martha and do not ship Doctor/Martha (though I have nothing against those who do, unless they are batshit), I fail to fit into this horribly generalized category.

Yeah, I'm kind of neutral. Overall I don't much like Rose but OTOH, I think Martha is only just okay. So I don't have any strong pro-Martha bias when pointing out badfic. I haven't seen any Rose-bashing fic lately or I'd bitch about that too. Bad writing is bad writing, regardless of how I feel about a particular character.

I'd hope that any sensible Rose (or Ten/Rose) fan would despise the following story about as much as I do. It's yet another reunionfic, creatively titled Reunited.

The author gives "first fic" as an excuse for possible suckiness. That said, she thinks the horrific anti-Martha ending of the story is actually good so I'm not inclined to be very sympathetic.

( In which Martha becomes a floating blob. )

Martha is so jealous of Rose, she wants pretty much everything Rose had. At least, that's how one author at ff.net would have it in Stealing Rose's Life.

Not only does Martha want the Doctor, she wants to look like the "lovely" and "glorious" Rose instead of her own "ugly" and "disgusting" self. And wait till you see how she describes her own skin color!

( It gets worse. )

So, I'm over at fanfiction.net just about every day, hoping to see something worth reading. More often, however, I find crap like the following in the Doctor Who section:

it's a reunion story with jack in it an the geast star face of boe but what happands when the doctor gets to pete's world.

And that was just the summary! Somehow I made it all the way through the abysmal first chapter, as well. Looking back, though, I'm not sure how.

On a brighter note, I might be doing DW recs for rec50 again. At least, I volunteered and am waiting to hear back. I made 50 recs over there in 2006 and by now I think I can come up with a lot of new ones.

Here's my contribution to the Buffy Badfic Mockathon. I hope the formatting comes out right; I'm still getting used to LJ.

This story is for phendog, who wanted Stuttering!Giles, Bitchy!Buffy, and Silly!Xander. Plot request was: Willow casts a spell and two of the main characters who weren't together in canon end up sleeping together (can be because the spell actually makes them, or because the spell does something entirely unrelated that leads to that) and have to deal with the consequences. Pet peeve was: Completely ignoring canon/messing w/canon order. For example: Dawn magically appearing in something set before season 5, Ignoring that Buffy lost her virginity to Angel, Spike having a soul in season 6...you get the idea.

Go ahead and keep my name on it. It's meant to suck, so I'm not ashamed of it.

( Read more... )